Lake Arrowhead Lifestyles Blog

 If  you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look in  the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in  succession when symptoms occur:

My present and future  financial and personal well being are totally in the hands  of... 

Barack  Obama 

Joe  Biden 

Harry  Reid 

Nancy  Pelosi 

Tim  Geithner 

Rahm  Emmanuel 

Chris  Dodd 

and  Barney Frank! 

If  that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably  destined to be backed up for the rest of your life.

There  is no need to thank me for this advice; I'm just doing it as a public service.

Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment. 

This is a very exciting new program.  I will explain it using the Q and A format:

Q.  What is an Economic Stimulus payment?

A.  It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.  Where will the government get this money?

A.  From taxpayers.

Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money?

A.  Only a smidgen.

Q.  What is the purpose of this payment? 

A.  The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q.  But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A.  Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

    *      If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .

    *      If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

    *      If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .

    *      If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala .

    *      If you buy a car, it will go to Japan .

    *      If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

    *      If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

     1. spending it at yard sales, or 

2.  going to ball games, or

    3. spending it on prostitutes, or

    4.  beer or

    5.  tattoos..

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US ....)

I'm going to go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that I met at a yard sale, and drink beer!

  Just call me a patriot.